Therapy for Relationships
Therapy with couples is different from therapy with individuals. I learned this in 2018, when I began studying Emotionally Focused Therapy. EFT is an evidence-based form of therapy developed to treat the problems that arise within romantic partnerships. It was invented by Sue Johnson, one of the great contemporary theorists of human attachment.
All couples argue; this is a normal part of sharing your life with someone. But sometimes arguments start to feel scripted, fights become cyclical, and patterns of interaction become rigid in ways that create emotional distance. EFT understands these types of arguments as unresolved negotiations having to do with intimacy.
When is it time for couples therapy?
Therapy is indicated if you are struggling due to a lack of emotional security in your relationship. This can manifest in all kinds of ways, depending on your personality, upbringing and “attachment style.” In some cases a traumatic event, betrayal or other injury to trust has occurred. Oftentimes, couples find themselves enacting cycles of distance and closeness, which can be frustrating, confusing and consuming. That’s the bad news. The good news is, these problems are normal and fixable. Attachment theory proposes that we are biologically hard-wired to connect with other members of our species; EFT is designed to help people address whatever barriers are preventing them from feeling as close to their partner as they want to feel.
Why Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?
Oftentimes couples will come to therapy stating that they need to improve their communication or problem-solving skills. EFT is focused less on skills and more on the emotional environment of the relationship. Specifically: does this connection feel secure, reliable, emotionally safe, and trusting? It turns out that communication and problem-solving occur naturally once these pieces are in place. Getting to trust, emotional safety and openness is the work of EFT. We do this by learning to attune - by making emotional responses make sense.
After years of training, study and supervision, I attained full certification in EFT in May 2022.
How does it work?
Sessions for couples last 50 or 80 minutes. In-person meetings are recommended. EFT is designed to be a short-term intervention; many couples are able to complete EFT within 8-15 sessions. If there is a history of childhood abuse or neglect on the part of either individual, it’s normal for therapy to last longer. That is okay.
Does insurance cover it?
The cost of therapy for couples is $250 per 80-minute session or $175 per 50-minute session. Therapy may be reimbursable based on whether your insurance plan offers out-of-network benefits; I can assist you to find out. I maintain a sliding scale for couples with financial barriers.