Are Parts Real?

I’ve had the title of this blog post in my head since January of this year, when I completed the first level of training in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. IFS is a systemic experiential style of therapy, which means that it works at the level of the individual’s psychological system and focuses less on cognition/insight than on lived experience (of which cognition is merely one element).

Essentially, the model proposes that each of us has an internal system that is composed of parts, and that each part has a unique identity with its own desires, fears, interests and motivations. For instance, you may feel like one part of you wants to go out to meet someone, while a different part, which is feeling anxious, wants to stay home and bake cookies. Parts may show you memories, generate emotions, pass down intergenerational trauma, and will often manifest in the body. (IFS didn’t come up with these ideas - more like assembled them from various lineages.)

The theory goes on to say that in addition to Parts, there is You-who-is-not-a-Part, also known as the Self. In my tradition (Judaism), the Self could perhaps be described as shkhina - the “divine spark,” the godliness that’s within each person. The universal essence. IFS proposes that this form of energy has the power to heal wounded Parts - and that Parts’ unhealed wounds are what often create imbalance in our lives. Within IFS, the therapist does not do the healing, but rather helps the client harness the flow of internal Self energy in order to heal.

As you can already tell, this style of therapy is way more spiritual than cognitive. Very different from every other style I had ever studied or received as a client (EFT, ACT, CBT, EMDR, psychodynamic). After some friends turned me onto IFS in 2020, I began to read and try out some basic techniques. The results were compelling, so I sought out supervision from a certified IFS practitioner. After one meeting, I asked her to be my therapist instead.

The two years I spent in therapy with that provider were deeply impactful for me. It was a level of honesty within myself I’d never experienced. It was compassionate, it felt safe, and I grew as a result. As I embraced the model, my skepticism decreased, and I grew even more. Completing the “official” Level 1 training - learning to do this therapy with other therapists, practicing the model on ourselves and one another - changed me as a person. I have learned to trust the model - which can be quite powerful - and am learning to trust myself to deploy it in a way that is safe.

Trust is the key concept in IFS. According to the theory, one of the therapist’s primary goals is to increase the trust between Self and Parts. Having trusting relationships with Parts means you can negotiate with them. For instance, in the baking at home Vs. meeting up scenario, what if the meeting is a crucial opportunity that you shouldn’t miss? Rather than attempting to banish the socially anxious part (e.g., by drinking), ideally, you could connect with it and ask it to give you enough space for you to take the meeting. If the Part trusts you, it is more likely to honor that request and let you go out and be brave. If the Part’s anxiety is connected to a traumatic/overwhelming experience, building a strong relationship may take time. That relationship-building is the work of therapy.

There is a whole discourse that flows from these ideas; there is a lot more I could say. But I’ll offer this reflection: if you can trust that Parts are real, and that Self is real, and IFS is real - then this is a model that can offer deep healing. There’s room for skepticism, which is understood to be a welcome form of wisdom.

I like IFS because, even though it’s a doctrine with certain underpinning beliefs and certain methods to accomplish its goals, it’s still a “big tent.” (In this way, it reminds me again of Judaism.) There’s room for creativity, individuality, humor, flexibility and generosity. I also like IFS because it’s synergistic with the use of psychedelic medicines. When we use psilocybin, MDMA, cannabis (etc.) for self-healing, it is common to encounter Parts of us directly and interact with them in ways that are not available to us within ordinary states of consciousness. IFS can help us prepare for psychedelic experiences beforehand, as well as integrate and make use of the wisdom revealed to us by the medicine afterward.